Why all are doomed except Guess Who

At least two writers I know of have written the same blog post: telling aspiring ebook writers that the game is a crap shoot in which most will fail. Talent, persistence, pluck, strategy-- not all of these together can do much to better your chances...they say. The writers are successful, well reviewed and well positioned. Their motives may be noble. And yet I can't help but observe that the more of us who grow discouraged and quit, the better off they'll be.

I seem to be the only who has your best interests at stake. And so I'm about to blow the whistle and tell it like it is. All of you are doomed unless:
--Your first name has three letters and it rhymes with Deb.
--Your last name has seven letters, two of them capitalized.
--You have a seventh ebook to be published before June and an eighth before December.
--You are soon moving to Seattle with a purple steamer trunk.
--Your first novel picked up a major award.
--You love black cherry ice cream.
--You read Roman writers in Latin.
--Some ladies call you Spice Boy and Lord Wickedness.

Sorry, but it doesn't look at all for most folks. But one of us can make it if you'll send your dough to Amazon for a good book by Reb MacRath.