Southern Scotch

Southern Scotch
After the Fall 2016

Sunday, April 30, 2017

3 Sticks, a Cat and a Mouse

If you look like food, you will be eaten.
--Clint Smith




Live long enough and you'll soon start to see that you're looking mighty delicious to young jackals out roaming the streets. Mugging's the most obvious worry, since you're in no shape to sprint in pursuit. But money's just one thing you're likely to lose--the attempted thefts of dignity seem to come more often as your head starts to hang and your posture grows slouched. Hey, look, it's a Crinkly--charge!

 For a couple of months I'd been toting the massive Ten Shin walking stick put out by Steven Seagal.



44" long, it weighs about two pounds, and is made of nearly indestructible polypropylene. It can be used as a sword, a spear, a lance--even swung with the handle like an ax. No one troubled me when I carried this stick. Even cars were less likely to cut me off while I was crossing. On the other hand, it attracted a fair share of negative feedback ('You looking to bash heads today?") and even more negative vibes. The jackals were scared but they wanted to jump. I could see it in their eyes. Just as bad, it seemed highly unlikely I could carry the Ten Shin on a plane or bring it to most offices. Furthermore, it's too big to stow in most lockers.
Ten Shin score: one thumb up and one thumb down. Good for hikes and late night walks.

I mail-ordered an alternative: a classy wood cane I could take anywhere. Or so it seemed to me. But this is what I got. Length: 36". Shaft size 18 mm. Weight: .9 lbs.


Attractive but featherweight. And it projected weakness, inviting trouble--which it did. The first night I went home from work, I grabbed my favorite light rail seat at the end of a side bench. Another guy sat at the opposite end. This left room for an average-size person in the middle. But twice in the course of the ride bruisers looked at the opening, looked at me...and slammed themselves down into the too-small space, then started jostling for room. The finger-thin shaft of the cane had signaled easy prey.
Feeble cane score: two thumbs down.  

I had words with the two men, protecting my space. And yet I got to thinking: How could I look less like food at my age?  Or: how could I walk in peace and grace while reducing the risks and the hassles?

I brooded.

I Googled.

I ordered.

Result:



You're looking at the Bubba Stik. You can custom build your own on their website, choosing from a variety of styles, woods, with or without the name branded, And there's no charge for cutting the stick to your size. The shaft is 1". The stick weighs 19.2 ounces. And it's seriously elegant with rugged hardwood shaft and gleaming brass hame knob.
Bubba score: two thumbs and eight fingers up, with a rowdy Rebel yell.

Today, my first day with the stick, I can say: it can be taken anywhere, even on a plane (I checked). Combined with a strong gait and confident air, it commands attention...and respect. Twice, people ran out of their way to open doors for me.

Where I go, there goes Bubba now. Make your own choice, certainly. But whatever you do, as you grow older, make sure at all costs you do not look like food. The jackals are waiting for you, be assured.


Here's the Bubba Stik website if you'd like to check it out:

http://www.bubbastik.com/about.cfm

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